Yeah, but we weren't supposed to see that the game was being played. Supposed to be asleep to all this. Can't we just fall back asleep? Would that be as bad as it sounds?

I actually don't have to lie to people. My job just makes me a robot manufacturing. So no the only lie is that its a life.

Kinda funny how we marry our opposites huh! xD I knew my entire life I wouldn't ever go into the military, for one reason only: they own you. You sign your life away to them and they get to tell you what you can and can't do while in service. I've since learned they can also recall you after you get out. I couldn't imagine giving that freedom away to anyone. The ability to say you know what, I'm not ok with what we're doing here, and walk away. My husband will argue this isn't true (bc he doesn't like the idea of being controlled, who does?) but I have to say it is true. 100%. He says, well what if you WANT to do what they want you to do? Then you have to say you don't know until you're in that situation, and it's not worth the risk (to me). I suppose I can agree a little with what you're saying as far as the drive to learn enhances how intelligent you are. Kind of like building blocks, some people have little tiny one level lego houses, and others have sky scrapers. Perhaps early learning exposure and seeing patterns enhances those abilities. There are so many different types of intelligences though, and truly some people do seem to naturally lean in one particular type. I do have a friend whom I used to consider very intelligent (he's about 12 years older than me) but as I've aged he has begun to decline because he has no natural curiosity, merely reads the news every day, sports stats, and goes to work. Thats it. There may be another part of the curiosity and desire to know why. It's courage and strength. I find it is quite a burden to be aware of so much and see the connections in events. To know just how awful some things are. One of my most recent things that made my stomach turn was the congress release of info on the planned parenthood case. I had already known about it through the pizzagate investigation>projectveritas>discerning whether they were a hoax or not. But seeing it written out word for word what was actually witnessed was nauseating. I tried to talk to some friends on team speak the other night about it and i was told to stop talking about it because there were people who were uncomfortable with the topics!~ LOL. ohwell.

I'm happy that it is helpful. I have sought my entire life "why" everything. I think I was born needing to know why. I don't understand why other people do not share this same drive. Also, the not caring baffles me. I can understand feeling impotent to change circumstances, but I do not understand saying "oh well. I'm gonna die eventually anyway." The desire to make things as good as they can be and constantly searching for the answer motivates me. My husband is one of the many people I know who feels like there is no reason to question anything. He is military and says "the why doesn't matter. There is no why." Whereas I think, if you don't understand the why you can never progress ahead of where you are. I firmly believe my constant questioning is also the reason why I haven't been able to find a faith. It's really a mixed blessing. I feel so fortunate to be aware and know so many things, but at the same time wish that I could be just like everyone else who can accept things the way they are. What are the odds that I will ever be in a position to make an impact upon the world with what I know? I impart my thoughts to my children and perhaps someday they can make an impact. As for me, no matter who I speak to, no one seems to be motivated to even learn more so much as just say, huh that's interesting, and move on to never question anything further.

I wish I had a "faith". I have really tried in various ways to find a faith. "Do no harm unless harm is done to you" is essentially how I live, I even release spiders outside the house. There have been jobs that I quit/refused because of the contradiction to that rule. I have a family now, and I am sure that if it came down to do something against my morals or they starve or be put in some otherwise harmful situation, I would definitely do whatever was necessary. But that sort of fits along my "do no harm unless it's done to you" rule. I don't think I'd directly hurt anyone innocent. I could see wrestling with the idea of stealing food if it meant someone else would starve though. I'd probably be pretty haunted by it. I also had an interesting childhood, but my temperament is that which doesn't really think things are all that bad (appreciate the good, someone somewhere is waaaay worse off than you, things could be worse mindset) so while going through those things they didn't phase me.

What do you suppose is the fundamental difference between those who seek the truth/ refuse to pick the wrong path versus those who don't care?

My husband fits your description. He's working for the doj. You might take a look. In our area they're dying for good employees. It doesn't pay shit but better than nothing.